Today was a hard day. We went to Soweto, which is a township outside of Johannesburg. There are over 4 million people living there largely in poverty. It was a stark difference from the Nelson Mandella square we shopped in the night before that was possibly the largest shopping mall I have been inside. Today I met a woman named Carol who was a part of the June 16, 1976 uprising that began to turn the tide on aprtheid. She was 13 then. She among 15000 other students led a march through the streets of Soweto to protest the schools being forced to teach in the Afrikans langauge. For them it was the language of their oppressors. Things turned violent when the police opened fire into the crowds and rioting lasted for days and months even. Many children were killed. She was there in the march that day. Now she runs a clinic for children who are orphaned by AIDS. There parents died from AIDS and now many of the eldest children ages 11-17 are caring for the rest of the their siblings. She is helping them and over 310 household and 2000 children now call me their "Mama". Many of these children also are HIV positive. She has sacrificed so mush in order to help these children. She says so often they just want to talk about "what hurts inside". She says she loves these "children of the soil" as much as she loves "the children of her loins". This was very challenging to think about.
I felt very selfish and guilty for only caring for my two. And then at the same time I as I listened to the cost she has paid for loving all of them with such a passion I wondered if the cost was more than one ( me in particular) should bare. So it is the constant struggle to me about what we cling to most tightly. And when is it the right and possibly healthy time to let go of somethings in order to pick up others, which may not serve "you" as much as they may serve the greater good.

Much to think about and my brain and heart hurt.